I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
