Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
