someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
