I feel like abortions should bother me more
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
this is an emotional support booty call
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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