so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Less talking, more tequila
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
