Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
