i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
