So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
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Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
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You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize