We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
