I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
