sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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