Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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