Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
