he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
