I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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