Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize