I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
