about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
