Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
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the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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