one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
