I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Quick, to the slutcave!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
