Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
