i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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