so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
