he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
