were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
