I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
