I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
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In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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