she smelled like a LAN party
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
