There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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