I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
is wine microwaveable?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
