I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
