ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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