Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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