i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
