Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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