I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
