he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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