Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's rum buckets o'clock
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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