she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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