It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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