Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
