Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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