The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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