i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
