A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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