Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Randomize
