Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
