I just made out with a guy for $7.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
