Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize