R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
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if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just found puke in my bra..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
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Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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