I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
only if we run a train.
done.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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