I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
