Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
