In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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