Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
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There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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